"Today is the first day of the rest of your miserable life"

To expand upon my esteemed blog-eague's (that blog colleague, bitches) earlier post...

#1 - Old people are indeed shit heads (mostly). At what point in your existence have you stopped and thought that maybe walking, on a Saturday afternoon in a busy city centre in an overpopulated world, at the same pace as a severely disabled slug that's single brain cell has expired is maybe not such a cool idea?!

If I roundhouse kicked you in the back of your wrinkled, self righteous head you might speed up a bit, no? Granted, you'll be flying through the air, but at least you'd be in FUCKING MOTION. You're less 'E=MC2' and more 'E=WTF?!' Just because you happened to have survived this shitty world longer than a lot of us it doesn't mean we owe you anything. K?

#2 - It is a truth universally acknowledged that rape is never funny. Except when Michael Bay is involved. I would personally love to see that moronic ballbag tied up in a dank back-room and get taken roughly from behind by a 25 stone gimp, a la Pulp Fiction.

I'd like to get hold of all the napalm that misogynistic little prick has used in his over-budget, over-hyped so called 'films' (that I have somehow managed to watch, an experience akin to having my eyes injected by hyperdermics filled with a new AIDS/ebola hybrid disease for which, dear readers, there is NO vaccine), and use it to blow up his greasy, smug, twattish soul. Yeah, I'm not a fan.

#3 - So, someone please clarify what exactly are we sponsoring bears/tigers/pandas e.t.c. for? As soon as one of these mammalian arse-clowns runs a half marathon in Roundhay Park, I might shell out 50p a mile. £1 if they're in fancy dress.

Oh, to the people who have stumbled upon this blog by accident, the porn's thatta way. Just there, to the right. No, further up... Yeah, just there next to the rotting corpse of your self esteem.